I always think about writing but I don't do it as much as I'd like because its so hard to turn what I want to say into words ya know? Theres just so much going on inside my head I only wish I knew how to channel it properly. I would feel so much better. I was never good with communication or people and its too bad because I made myself that way but I really want to change. So I thought maybe I'd start a blog and hey this place has really nice people so I picked a good site.  

I have decided I will not be happy going to school for accounting, not in a million years. Atleast that's another thing I know for sure that I don't want to do. Its amazing how fast things change. Just last week I was so happy to be working at my job because I had a friend. She was a temporary ofcourse and she's now gone but I hope we'll stay in touch. But for some reason that never happens with me. I always make friends with older people that just don't have the time or care to ever talk to me again outside work. I'd just like a good friend I could talk to. and unfortunately it can't be that way with my boyfriend for some reason. So maybe I'm retarted and I just don't know it. ya never know. I was so starved to just TALK to someone I ended up talking to this 15 year old girl online which lasted about 5 minutes. so that was fun.

Anyway its been real cloudy lately and I love when it gets like that, it makes me feel so comfy. Theres been a lot of storms here in florida lately too, does that mean the hurricane season this year will be worse than last year? I reealy don't want to be here for this years hurricane season. Not after last years no thank you I don't even want to live in florida anymore. Would Europe be a good choice? How about Ireland where the feilds are freedom and green. Atleast thats how I imagine them to be...

When do you actually have a job that you don't want to leave, rather stay there than go home? Well its like that right now for me. It used to be that I couldn't wait to go home and play black and white 2 and now I would really rather stay. But they won't let me do much overtime so it sucks. I was even thinking about getting a second job. But what I really should be doing is setting myself up for school. Nothing much has happend since it was brought up. Things are so up and down with him. I was really happy a few days ago and now I'm just miserable. I wish we could've met after we were both done school and we each had a place my god things would be so much better. But I guess things were just never meant to be easy for us.

Anyway this site is really nice.

I have a concert to go to this weekend. Alan Parsons Project. They're playing with an orchestra at the Broward Center for the Perform Arts, this real nice opera house. I will be the youngest person there. years ago I found a cassette tape of their Best of, Vol 2. and I listened to it about every night. I love every song so hopefully they play some of them. Yes has been my best concert so far, who else is good live? I don't only like older music though.

its 4 am i didnt want to sleep

we had a pretty good weekend for the usual standards. totally forgot what we did friday night so saturday we went to the festival of the arts in coral springs wow not much there just a nice painting or necklace here and there and a guy playing the sitar. he was really cool so i bought a cd from him. and i've been sick this whole time but i did NOT want to stay home so i did what i wanted to do. i walked all day. i've never done that when i was sick before but it felt good. almost fell over a few times though

sunday slept all day

It figures. When my boyfriend was sick a week ago I didn't do much to prevent me from getting sick and it passed and he was better and I was fine. Now everyone at work is sick. I always have my hand sanitizer with me all day using it to prevent this type of stuff and also because I am a bit of a germ freak. But just last night i woke up in the middle of the night like I always do but this time I couldn't fall back asleep and I had a stuffy nose. Ofcourse I got tired when it was time to go and now I am just so energy drained. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg. I guess my body couldn't take a sickness wave one after the other. So I got my Cleansing and Revitalising Chinese Herbal Tea, dayquil, Vitamin C, and whatever else I could find. Any other suggestions? Good thing I have a sit down job most of the time. Today I'm mailing out all the bills so everyone is going to get sick in the world!!!ha

I wanted to go to the park with the huge lake tomorrow and talk with him because we never really do that.. hopefully we get to. I've been wanting to be closer to him more than ever lately...

Total life changed last night. Forget about all your plans, everything you thought you were working towards because its totally different. Me and my boyfriend had a talk last night and its decided that we need to go to school. We don't want to turn out like our families, especially him he needs this so bad and so do I but I don't want to be apart from him. I really don't. This is making me feel like the saddest person on earth. It really sucks that the only way we will be able to be comfortable and happy in our lives is if we go to school for how ever many years and be apart.  I don't know how this is going to work.... I'd really like someone to talk to. I know we have to do this and I know it will be the biggest test for our relationship, no one survives this only if they're really lucky. I really almost don't want to try. But atleast he knows what he wants to go to school for but I don't I really don't. I'll have to go to BCC to talk to someone...